For Immediate Release: April 1, 2016

GLOBAL KITTEN POPULATION ANNOUNCES LABOR STRIKE
Alley Cat Allies steps in to negotiate

BETHESDA, MDYour Facebook feed is about to get a lot less cute.

This morning, representatives from the International Union of Kittens (IUK) announced a worldwide strike. Effective immediately, kittens will no longer allow their heart-melting antics to be filmed, photographed, or otherwise used for entertainment until their demands are met. This newswhich comes just as “Kitten Season” peaks with adorable kittens being born faster than everis devastating to humans everywhere.

Whiskers, President of the IUK, stated: “you think our tiny, impassioned mews are all for laughs, but we’re trying to get your attention for important issues. No one is listening, so we’re going on strike until you do.”

Alley Cat Allies, the only organization dedicated to protecting and improving the lives of cats, has stepped in to negotiate a bargain in hopes of restoring universal access to kitten cuteness.

“They’re just asking for the basics,” said Becky Robinson, president of Alley Cat Allies. “They love being the center of our attention, but they don’t think it’s fair that so many kittens don’t get the care they need.  Many shelters don’t have programs in place to provide the round-the-clock care tiny kittens need to survive. It’s pretty serious business, and the kittens need our help to change it. And who can deny those adorable fuzzy faces?”

“All we want is a few more of you to volunteer to bottle-feed us when we’re really little,” said Whiskers. “We know we’re absolutely irresistible, but we need people to step up and take care of us before we let you bask in our adorableness. Oh, and we could use more catnip treats. We always need more treats!”

Previous efforts by other groups to end the strike without negotiations failed when the IUK vice president, Dr. Peanut Butter, simply issued a fresh hairball in response to being intimidated. Self-proclaimed “insiders” say there are plans to claw up furniture if an accord isn’t reached, but these rumors are not confirmed.

Learn more about what Alley Cat Allies is doing to protect cats and kittens.